Here’s this week’s post in my Family Voices series. COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) member Terrance talks about being the gay son of a gay dad, his many non-profit activities, and some of the lessons he’s learned over the years.
A big thank you again to COLAGE for asking their members to participate in these interviews. I’ll be taking a short break from this series for Thanksgiving, but back soon with more LGBT family voices.
Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?
I grew up with a family of five. My dad, mom, sister, cousin and myself. I am a black gay male.
What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?
Well, I faced a lot of hardship because I grew up in the inner city. My sister told everyone that my dad was gay so it made it difficult for me. I basically denied his sexuality until I was about 16. My whole family always said my dad was gay so when he told me I was sad. My dad was a hairdresser, so a lot of the teachers knew him and so no teacher made me feel bad about his sexuality.
What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful? Anything you wish they had done differently in terms of the above?
No, they did the best they could considering when my dad came out I was seven.
How does having an LGBT parent affect you in your adult life? Or how has the experience of having an LGBT parent shifted in adulthood?
Having a gay parent now that I am grown amazes a lot of people, but it’s almost like it’s cool to a lot of LGBT people.
What are the ways that having an LGBT parent has made you into who you are today?
I think having a LGBT parent taught me at a early age that a lot of people are ignorant to different people and things. There were parents who wouldn’t let me play with their son or daughter because they knew my dad was gay. It also taught me to love him no matter what people say about him.
What advice would you most like to pass on to other children of LGBT parents? To the parents themselves?
I want to tell all the children with LGBT parents to stand up for your parents!!! Do not let anyone make you or your home feel wrong. Let people know your mom or dad is normal and they love you. That’s all that matters. I would say to the parents don’t feel bad about the fact that your kids are getting teased because of your sexuality. Show your child love and support in anything they do and that’s what your child will remember.
Why did you choose to become involved with COLAGE?
Colage seemed like a wonderful organization and I wanted to be apart of a organization that understands what it is like for people to have a LGBT parent.
How else, if at all, are you involved in your community or in LGBT activism/politics?
I am involved with countless organzations. First I am a Literacy Americorp member with early literacy. Second, I do HIV outreach with a group called Youth Empowerment Project. We go to various places to promote safe sex and things like that. I am also apart of a gay performing arts group called Dreams of Hope. I am a part of a organization that uses youth to talk to the the planning community on HIV issues. The group is called Young Adult Roundtables. I am in the works to create two non-profits. The first is a fashion show company that will put on shows for different health and social issues. We have already produced two shows, one for The Andy Warhol Museum and the second for the Pittsburgh Aids Task Force. The second non-profit is a group for young black LGBT youth. This group I’m hoping will be a safe space for them in many different areas. I also go to school three days a week after I get off of work.
Please share a favorite memory of being a COLAGEr or having an LGBT parent.
The best memory of having my father was when I was scared about coming out. He let me know that he already knew and it was okay and told me to just be myself.