Curveball Pitches and Sexy Moms

Like many bloggers, I get a lot of PR pitches. Here are a few of the more amusing ones I’ve received lately. Some are bad pitches; others are decent pitches for dubious products. Product/company names removed to protect the clueless.

• “Keep these Holiday offerings in mind for that special guy in your life . . . For the rogue dandy and romantic heart . . . . these gifts stand alone and right next to the one you’re with.” I’m thinking they don’t mean my son or my dad. PR fail.
• “How many times have you grappled with sick children and family members during the holidays?” Only when they don’t sit still to take their medicine.
• “Divulge into a budget-friendly, cost-cutting, super-sexy lifestyle approach that allows you to accomplish your goals and be a great mom. . . . This book is specifically tailored for a super, sexy mom lifestyle.” First: Divulge: to disclose or reveal. Second: I wasn’t aware that a super-sexy lifestyle approach would allow me to be a great mom. A great spouse, perhaps. Besides, I’m not sure I need any more sexy in my lifestyle. The whole “homosexual” thing pretty much has me covered.
• “[Product] is the first battery-powered Nasal Aspirating Kit.” Eeep! Keep anything battery powered away from my child’s nose, thank you very much. Nothing wrong with the good ol’ squeeze bulb we got from the maternity ward, although it does lead to grappling with my sick child.
• ” Kim Clijsters [sic] story is an inspiration to mothers who struggle to balance motherhood and their livelihood.” True. But what are they pitching? “Get Kim Clijsters US Open Look,” by which they mean we should wear the same brand of clothing. Damn. I was really interested in learning about her workout routine.
• “Sexy Boys of Hockey Exclusive Photo Galleries . . . I thought you and your readers at Mombian would enjoy the following photo gallery links.” Um. No. Well, maybe a few of the gay dads who stop by.
• “[Product] is the first adhesive silicone nipple cover that is thin and matte, making it undetectable under clothing and swimsuits. The adhesive and non-adhesive versions are washable/waterproof/reusable, making it a budget-friendly find that you can wear during the day at the pool or out to dinner with your hubby.” PR fail redux.
• And no, there’s really nothing on my site that would indicate an interest in Las Vegas buffets or the dangers of tanning beds. If Nevada upgrades domestic partnerships to marriage, get back to me on the former. I’m sure a lot of queers will be heading to town. Ah, the sanctity.

There’s a reason they call it public relations. Know your target. My thanks to the PR professionals who do. I was in marketing myself, and I’d just like to see a certain standard for the profession. (And apologies if you’ve pitched appropriately and I haven’t responded. Fact is, I don’t tend to do a lot of product reviews, beyond books and other media. Even if I did, I’d couldn’t cover everything. Your clients could, however, always buy an ad.)