Rosie O’Donnell’s new documentary A Family Is a Family Is a Family, premieres this Sunday, January 31, at 7 p.m. ET on HBO. I’ve seen a screener, and here are my thoughts.
Overall, this is a great film, aimed at the elementary school ages, that focuses on children of various backgrounds speaking about their families. There are children with same-sex parents, opposite-sex parents, single parents, parents of different races, adoptive parents, children living with grandparents, and more. It is a wide-ranging sampling of the great diversity of family life in our country. If there is one gap, it is that there are no children with transgender parents—or at least none that speak about having them.
This is not primarily a film about Rosie and her family, although there is one segment in which she speaks with her daughter Vivienne Rose about her recent separation from her partner Kelli. Divorced and separated parents will appreciate their dialogue, in which Rosie assures Vivienne Rose that they are still a family.
The musical guests, including They Might Be Giants, Sweet Honey in the Rock, and Ziggy Marley, are terrific. I hope HBO puts out a CD or DVD of just the music, in addition to a DVD of the whole show.
Here’s the tricky part. The latter part of the film talks a lot about how families came to be, and necessarily gets into explanations of sperm and egg. The explanations here are age-appropriate for elementary school children. One scene involves an animated sperm wooing an egg to the strains of Frank Sinatra. Some of the children also discuss amongst themselves their understanding of sperm meeting egg. Most are clinical and unrelated to any sexual activity, and may even help parents to realize that they can explain these issues without freaking out about discussing sex with their kids. One child, however, does state that a man and a woman “have sex” in order to make sperm meet egg, but there is no further explanation of what “sex” is.
Don’t get me wrong—I think it is important for children to receive honest and age-appropriate explanations of these issues. For parents looking for a way to start these conversations, Rosie’s film is a great tool.
My concern is that by mixing discussion of family structure with discussion of reproduction (no matter how simplified and age-appropriate), Rosie will turn away parents who do not feel their children are quite ready for the latter. They will therefore not reap the benefits of the former.
Also, the right-wing has already tried to ban family diversity films that do not touch on reproduction at all. In fact, one of their main arguments for keeping LGBT-inclusive media out of schools is that it is not “appropriate” for young children—with the implication that it necessarily involves talking about sex. It doesn’t. As most readers here likely know, embracing family diversity is first and foremost about family structure.
By blurring the line, and discussing both family structure and reproduction in one film, however, Rosie risks adding fuel to the right-wing argument that “all” discussion of LGBT families is at root a discussion about sex. That is not to say that she shouldn’t have done this—but we as a community should be prepared to deal with the reaction.
Perceptive and open-minded parents will understand the difference, though, and will appreciate A Family Is a Family Is a Family for what it is—a celebration of family diversity and the various ways our families came to be.
(HBO, through various ad networks to which I belong, has purchased advertising for “A Family Is a Family Is a Family” on this site.)