(Originally published as my Mombian newspaper column, October 13, 2010.)
Children in the LGBTQ community are dying. As LGBTQ parents, we need to be on the front lines working to help them.
We’ve all heard by now of the string of suicides by youth bullied because they were LGBTQ or perceived to be. Children of LGBTQ parents may also face harassment and bullying, as research from the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) has shown.
Anti-LGTBQ bullying and violence is sadly not a new trend. Twelve years ago this week, University of Wyoming student Matthew Shepard was murdered for being gay. GLSEN and others have tracked anti-LGBTQ bullying and suicides for years. The surge in media attention, however, gives us a significant opportunity to push for change.
There is no one cause, so there is no simple solution. I believe, however, that we can work at four different levels to make a difference.
First, strengthen your own family. Talk with your children about bullying—and more broadly about their friends, school, sports, and other activities. Be alert for anything that might be troubling them. Don’t tell them to “just deal with it.” Investigate and take action as necessary.
If you need help detecting the signs of bullying or talking about it with your children, try the Stop Bullying Now site, a project of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Or use popular books and films to initiate discussion. (The Harry Potter series, for example, deals with bullying and intolerance in a number of ways.)
You might also consider martial arts classes for your child—not because physical fighting is the solution, but because any good martial arts program for kids includes training in self-confidence and in dealing with bullies in other ways as well. Make sure, of course, that the martial arts school is welcoming to LGBTQ families. Talk with the instructors beforehand, and check out Triangle Martial Arts, a network of LGBTQ-friendly schools.
Second, be an anti-bullying advocate and resource in your community. Begin by finding out if local schools have anti-bullying policies. Is there anti-bullying training for students, teachers, and staff? Do the training or the policies discuss bullying or harassment based on real or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity? Is the general curriculum inclusive of LGBTQ people and families?
Talk with your child’s teachers and principal if you have any concerns. Build allies among other parents. Speak with your clergy members, if applicable. Offer them any or all of several LGBTQ-inclusive resources:
- The GLSEN Safe Space Kit contains the 42-page Guide to Being an Ally to LGBT Students, posters, and “Safe Space” stickers. It also shows how to assess a school’s climate and policies and advocate for change. For $20 you can send a kit to the middle school or high school of your choice.
- The free Trevor Survival Kit includes an educator resource guide, a copy of the Academy-Award winning film Trevor, an age-appropriate workshop guide/curriculum, and a list of books and films for LGBTQ youth, along with posters, brochures, wallet cards, and stickers with information for The Trevor Lifeline, a crisis intervention hotline. The Trevor Project also offers free, quarterly webinars on how best to use the Kit.
- Teaching Tolerance, a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center, offers Bullied, a free, 40-minute documentary about student Jamie Nabozny’s struggle against anti-gay bullies and his groundbreaking federal case that found—for the first time in U.S. history—that a public school could be held accountable for not stopping anti-gay abuse. The film, narrated by Glee star Jane Lynch, comes with a guide of lesson plans and staff development activities.
- Groundspark’s Respect for All Project includes the documentary Let’s Get Real, which features youth speaking about their bullying-related experiences. It comes with a 135-page curriculum guide. Through November, evaluate the film with free, one-time streaming, and get 10% off the regular $99 school/institution price by entering the code VT8BHQ. Groundspark also offers professional development workshops for educators and others on how to use their films most effectively.
- The Human Rights Campaign’s An Introduction to Welcoming Schools is a free, 93-page guide with tools, lessons, and resources on embracing family diversity, avoiding gender stereotyping, and ending bullying and name-calling. It’s based on a program tested in several school districts across the country.
Third, contact your elected officials. Several states have no safe schools laws of any kind. Most do not have laws that specifically protect students based on sexual orientation and gender identity. More general laws may protect students in these areas as well, but GLSEN research has shown that enumerating the protected categories increases the chance of intervention. Massachusetts passed a non-enumerated anti-bullying bill this past May; a step in the right direction, though perhaps not enough.
On the federal level, the Student Nondiscrimination Act would prohibit discrimination (which includes harassment) in schools on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. The Safe Schools Improvement Act would require schools to implement and report on LGBT-inclusive anti-bullying programs. There are versions of each bill in both the House and Senate. They look unlikely to move in this session of Congress—but it seems none too early to put pressure on for reintroduction and sponsorship next session.
Fourth, continue to be an advocate for LGBT rights and representation across the board. Until we are equal, we will always be seen as “less than,” making us a target for bullies.
No, it won’t be easy or fast. But when children’s lives depend on it, we have no choice but to act.