Back-to-school time always raises mixed feelings in me. On the one hand, years of being in academia make me see September, not January, as the start of the year (or maybe it’s just a Jewish thing). On the other, the lazy days of summer are giving way to school time’s hectic rush, with my son’s after-school activities, homework reminders, and the various other events and paperwork that public education brings in its wake.
My son is starting seventh grade, his second year in the school and seventh in the same district, so I’m not particularly stressing about his adjustment this time around—which is not to say I don’t have a fairly normal amount of concern about the quality of his teachers and the kindness of his classmates. I’m sure it will all be fine, but I dislike the uncertainty.
As a lesbian mom, I also always have a little niggle in the back of my head at the start of the school year about whether my son will encounter any bias or harassment because he has two moms. I try not to dwell on that, however, but to reassure myself with three things.
First, the number of school-related resources for LGBTQ parents, the parents of LGBTQ children, and teachers is growing ever larger. Here’s my 2015 version of a list I started many years ago.
In addition to taking comfort in the resources available, I am also grateful that the school year gives us opportunities to build bridges as we work towards equity for all. For example, one new study, by Abbie Goldberg of Clark University, has shown that many adopted children, with both same- and different-sex parents, experience stigmatization in preschool. This is sobering—but also a chance for us to work with non-LGBTQ adoptive parents on solutions. In doing so, we can also find ways to be allies across the many aspects of all our varied identities.
Finally, I have faith in my son and his own sense of self-confidence and self-worth. He knows his family is as good as anyone else’s, even if its structure is different from most in his school. I have to trust that he’ll stand up for himself when needed and that he’ll come to my spouse and me if things escalate beyond where he feels he can handle it alone. I also hope he will be an ally to those of identities different from his own, and that many of his peers will be allies to him in turn.
A new year is full of new possibilities. I’m optimistic it will be a fun and exciting one for our family. I hope it is for yours as well.
