Valentine’s Day may not be a specifically LGBTQ holiday like Pride or National Coming Out Day, but it has long felt to me like a very queer time of year. And while it has become somewhat clichéd to say that “love makes a family,” the sentiment remains absolutely true. Love does more than that, however.
Love makes us spend hours—months—years—trying to bring children into our families. Love makes us spend even more time plowing through paperwork to ensure our children are protected by being bound to us legally. Love makes us fight for our relationships with them even when others say we are not worthy.
Love inspires us to write books for and about our children when we don’t find ones that fit. Love inspires us to speak out at our school board meetings despite our introvert instincts if our children’s well-being is at stake. Love inspires us to drive eight hours and stand in the cold for three more as we march for the civil rights of all families.
Love is crossing out labels on forms at schools and doctors’ offices and writing in ones that better suit our children and ourselves. Love is asserting at the supermarket, “Yes, I’m his mom, too,” or “Actually, he calls me Baba.” Love is also letting our children come out about their families at their own time and in their own ways.
Love moves us to stay up all night when our children are sick or frightened. Love moves us to help them stand on their own, even as we tell them they will always be safe in our arms.
Love is teaching our children. Love is learning from them. Love is supporting them in discovering who they are, and in the process, discovering more about who we are.
Love makes a family, but love also sustains it. Wishing you and your families much love on this day and every other.