For a show that’s not specifically “about” parenting, last Sunday’s episode of The L Word: Generation Q certainly gave us a lot about the relationships between parents and children. In fact, the theme of the episode might have been “What makes a good parent?”
Spoilers ahead.
Much of the parenting this week focused on Alice’s journey as a new co-parent to her new partner Nat’s children, which actually formed one of the main storylines this episode. We open with a flashback to Alice and Nat’s first date, interrupted by Nat’s ex-spouse Gigi (Sepideh Moafi) ranting outside the apartment and nailing her wedding ring to the door. “You were married to that person?” Alice (Leisha Hailey) asks, to which Nat (Stephanie Allynne) responds, “She’s a really great mom.”
That’s an important lesson right there: Good moms do not always good spouses/partners make. (The reverse is also true, though not demonstrated by this scene.) Looks like Nat finally learned, however, that staying in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of one’s children generally isn’t advisable. Eventually, even if you’re both great moms separately, the unpleasantness will seep out, and that’s not good for anyone in the family, parents or kids. The episode’s writers also remind us that how parents act in their own relationships has a along-term impact on our kids: Sophie (Rosanny Zayas) and Finley (Jacqueline Toboni) both note that they don’t have examples of good relationships since neither of their sets of parents had them.
Alice is trying to be both a good partner and a good parent, but she’s still coming up to speed on the latter. When Nat’s son Eli (Julian Edwards) gets sick at school and Nat is unavailable, the school calls Alice at work—it seems like the first time Alice has been interrupted there for a parenting matter. After a puzzled moment, Alice realizes she has no choice but to act. She enlists Shane’s help and rushes to pick up the nauseated Eli and take him home. Some quick thinking and a handy crock pot save Nat’s carpets, but Alice is clearly frazzled. Shane (Katherine Moennig) seems more chill throughout (remember that in the original series, she was guardian to her half-brother Shay, and also dated Paige, who had a son about Shay’s age). Alice asks her how she does it. “Kids are people,” Shane explains with sage-like wisdom. Alice doesn’t quite agree. “But they’re not. They’re like half-sized, half people,” she responds.
Of course, Shane’s cool with kids only extends so far. When she’s at the bar with financially irresponsible Finley and Finley tells the bartender, “Mama’s buying,” Shane responds with an exasperated (but perhaps slightly amused) “Kids!” I think Finley’s getting sick on a date later is meant to parallel Eli’s sickness, underscoring that perhaps Finley hasn’t quite grown up yet, either.
Nat comes home to Alice and Eli and says she’ll ask Gigi to stay with Eli tomorrow. Alice is understandably annoyed, telling Nat that she can’t call her part of the family one moment, then call in Gigi when she thinks Alice can’t handle things. “I’m feeling like a babysitter,” she says. Still, we sense that Alice is still ambivalent about parenting, or at least unsure of her skills; when Nat asks if she should tell Gigi that Alice will watch Eli the next day, Alice responds, “No, but thank you for asking.” Nat seems okay with that; whatever qualms she may have about Gigi as a spouse, she’s confident Gigi knows her stuff as a parent. It’s a complicated dynamic, and the show and actors handle it well. Let’s remember that co-executive producer and series creator Ilene Chaiken once co-parented with an ex; while I can’t say whether her own specific experience is reflected here, but I’m guessing she’s tuned in to the issues of co-parenting with exes in general, and the show is making sure to get it right.
In a later scene, we see Alice watching Gigi tend Eli in bed and smiling in acknowledgment of the rapport between the two of them. But Alice soon starts to feel ill herself. “I’m so sorry,” Gigi tells her. “Kids are like walking germs.” True that. I was never so frequently sick in my life as when my son was in preschool and elementary school.
We see now, though, that Gigi is a reasonably calm person when she isn’t in the throes of her marriage breaking up. She even tells Alice that when Eli was sick as a baby, “that was the beginning of the end of us.” In his illness, Gigi explains, Eli was calling out for Mona, the woman with whom Gigi was having an affair. Gigi reflects now, “That’s the thing about these kids. They force me to be honest about who I am and how I hurt people.” That’s a profound truth about parenting right there, that kids force us to be honest about who we are.
Gigi also gives voice to the changed state of mind that parenting can trigger. “Between those horrific cartoons and the fever dreams, I didn’t even think I could have an adult conversation,” she says. She asks if Alice remembers the time she nailed her wedding ring to the door.
“I thought you had lost your mind,” Alice responds. Gigi replies, “I thought I’d lost my family.”
In another parenting storyline, we see Bette’s daughter Angie (Jordan Hull) looking none too thrilled about helping Bette at her campaign offices during a day off from school. Angie’s friend Jordi (Sophie Giannamore) shows up later for a campaign event at a local LGBTQ center and tries to make up to Bette for having convinced Angie to skip school in Episode 1. She tries a little too hard, in my opinion, saying, “You know, my family has a different set of values, so I didn’t really realize it was gonna be such a big issue for Angie to skip school, but it won’t happen again. And I just want you to know that you have a really wonderful daughter, and I love spending time with her.”
Bette is all cool Bette hauteur, saying, “Well, thank you, Jordi. I appreciate that. And the next time you want to spend time with my wonderful daughter, I’m gonna ask you to ditch the pot, okay? And do it outside school hours.” I think at some point, many parents must deal with their child having a friend or classmate who is a bad influence. Bette draws the line here and I can’t fault her for it. Still, something about Jordi’s demeanor tells me she may have a crush on Angie, which could complicate matters.
Of course, that parental concern about friends doesn’t fade as kids grow up—and we have to learn to separate our concerns about specific individuals our children associate with from our unfounded biases about broad categories of people. Dani’s dad (Carlos Leal) is not pleased she’s marrying a woman and not happy she’s leaving his company to go work for Bette Porter. This is paralleled by a story from one of the teens at the LGBTQ center where Bette is speaking, who relates that they were disowned by their mother. Bette shares that her father never accepted her for being a lesbian, either, and always used the term “friend” for her partner Tina. “As if our love was less than. And our love is not less than,” Bette asserts.
Even Jordi is impressed. “Your mom’s pretty cool,” she tells Angie. “Yeah, she’s not that bad,” Angie replies with teen ennui.
Near the end of the episode, Sophie’s mom (Laura Patalano) gives us another sterling example of parental support. At the engagement party for Sophie and Dani (Arienne Mandi), she gives Sophie her her great-grandmother’s ring, intended for the first grandson. “I don’t think she’ll mind” if Sophie has it, her mother tells her. “But if you give it to her, make sure you mean it.” Good motherly advice—also foreshadowing?
Here’s my parenting recap of Episode 1, in case you missed it. Stay tuned for another one next week!