The parenting theme running through this past week’s episode of The L Word: Generation Q was how we parents sometimes need to do a better job of listening to what our kids really need from us.
Early in the episode, we see Bette’s daughter Angie (Jordan Hull) being teased by another girl at school. “I heard that your mom slept with everyone on the school board,” the girl says. “I always thought you were an affirmative action kid. But it turns out your mom is just a f—ing slut and everyone knows it.” Angie punches her.
Bette (Jennifer Beals) shows up to talk with the school administrators and tells Angie that she got suspended. The other girl, however, will likely get off with “a stern talking to.”
“That makes no sense,” Angie responds. She’s right. Angie, of course, is Black, and Missy is White—it’s pretty clear there’s racism at work here.
“Missy is gonna get away with a lot in life, and you won’t,” Bette tells Angie. “The rules are different for you, and you know that.” It’s a heartbreaking moment that many parents from marginalized groups will likely understand; when we need to explain systemic oppression to our kids and tell them some things are rigged against them through no fault of their own. Bette’s a realist though—and a fighter. She tells Angie, “I know it’s not fair, okay? But the only way to survive the system is to understand how it works. And then you stay ahead of it. And I know that’s shitty. And I’m sorry.”
Angie is puzzled. “I thought you’d be mad,” she says.
Bette is angry, but only that this is how the world works and she couldn’t prevent it. She reminds Angie, “You are too good for this place,” but also warns, “You cannot, under any circumstances, hit people.” It’s excellent parenting under awful circumstances, and Bette ends the conversation in the best way possible. “I love you,” she tells Angie—and Angie responds, “I love you, too.”
Unfortunately, Bette then makes a big misstep. She enrolls Angie in a different private school, and tells her she’s starting Monday. Angie isn’t pleased. “Same assholes, different zip code,” she remarks.
Luckily, they’re at Bette’s mayoral campaign headquarters where Bette’s staff is trying to explain to her how having a child in private school takes away from her credibility on improving the public school system. Dani (Arienne Mandi) mentions there are some academically excellent, diverse public schools in Bette’s district. “I’m not about to exploit my daughter in order to improve the optics of the campaign,” Bette says—a generally commendable stance, except that here, it seems driven by bias against public schools. Angie gets this and responds, “You can if you want.”
Bette tries to push the new school; Angie pushes back. “I don’t want to check their diversity box. And I don’t want to be in their ‘Look, we’re color-blind’ brochures.” Public schools are different, she says.
“T and I chose the best school for you,” Bette tells her, reminding us that Angie’s other mother Tina is still involved in her life. “You have to trust that, as adults, sometimes we can see the bigger picture.” As a parent, I won’t disagree with that general statement, though as a former teen, I know how much such a statement grates. It turns out, too, that in this case, Bette and Tina are wrong.
Angie sees this right away. “Are you sure it’s the best school for me, or is it actually the best school for you?” she asks.
Angie for the win. Later, at a press conference, Bette reveals that Angie will indeed be going to public school.
Their situation is somewhat paralleled by that of Dani and her father. Although Dani’s high-powered businessman dad Rodolfo (Carlos Leal) isn’t pleased that she’s marrying a woman, he’s trying to get over it. So much so that he’s booked Dani and Sophie (Rosanny Zayas) a tour of the fancy-schmancy Biltmore Hotel as a possible wedding location. Dani’s willing to give it a try; Sophie and her family look distinctly less comfortable on the tour. We then learn that Rodolfo has in fact already put down a deposit to book the place, and in doing so has foisted both Sophie and Dani’s wedding date and the location on them.
“Don’t worry about the money,” he tells them. “I want all my colleagues to be comfortable.”
Yes, we’re sure they’d fit in perfectly with this haven of glitz and luxury. Sophie and her family, not so much. “Did you see how they looked at me and my family?” she asks Dani.
Dani didn’t, and the situation remains for the moment unresolved. It feels that class is more the factor here than race. Dani is Latina and Sophie is Black, so it doesn’t seem that the hotel is looking down at people of color (although it’s possible some hotel staff have more negative images of Black people than of Latinos). In both this and the situation with Angie’s school, too, we see how parental expectations, particularly around class, can lead to pushing our children into things that may not be right for them. In this case, it’s Sophie who (understandably) doesn’t want Rodolfo to determine their wedding; Dani seems swept away by the fact that he’s now acknowledging their relationship. Yet this difference of opinion is causing tension between the two women—and Rodolfo is barreling ahead, oblivious.
In a more touching moment about parental ties, though, Dani says she’s thinking about wearing her mom’s wedding dress. “I didn’t really think about how hard this would be without her,” she tells Sophie. Sophie reassures her, “She’s gonna be there. She’s here right now.” As someone with two parents who have died and are missing key milestones in my family’s life, this scene got me right in the feels.
And the “funny because it’s true” parenting award this week goes to Alice (Leisha Hailey) and Nat (Stephanie Allynne). Nat has just arrived home, and Alice is giving her an update on the kids. The exchange goes like this:
Alice: The good news is they ate all their cereal, the bad news is we’re missing a puzzle piece.
Nat: Did you check Eli’s nose?
Alice: Should I have?
Nat: Wouldn’t be the first time.
Parenting. Sometimes it’s a puzzle. See you next week as the folks on LW:GQ (and we ourselves) keep trying to figure it out.