Two new books for elementary-age kids by nonbinary creators offer thoughtful lessons about gender, pronouns, and self.
What Are Your Words? A Book About Pronouns by Katherine Locke and illustrated by Anne Passchier, gives us the first-person story of a child named Ari. Ari is excited for the visit of Uncle Lior, who uses they/them pronouns. They have explained to Ari that pronouns are only one type of word to “say who people are and how they feel.” Ari likes that Uncle Lior knows “I am growing and changing” and that some of Ari’s words may change, too. Every time they visit, therefore, Uncle Lior asks, “What are your words, Ari?”
“Sometimes I know my words right away,” says Ari, whom we see dressed variously in pants, a dress, and a skirt. Other times, “I have to think about my words.” These words could be feelings or descriptive words like “Happy,” “Athletic,” or “Sleepy,” or pronouns like “He/him,” “She/her” or “Ey/em.” Sometimes Ari changes pronouns, “And that’s okay, because they’re my words.” I like that pronouns are presented as one of many types of words that can be used to describe oneself. This helps demystify what really shouldn’t be mystifying. I also love that Uncle Lior gives Ari space to change and grow.
When Uncle Lior asks this time about Ari’s words, however, Ari doesn’t know which ones to use. Uncle Lior is supportive and says Ari has all day to think about it, but Ari gets frustrated. Nevertheless, the two of them head out to their neighborhood summer barbeque, where they meet neighbors who use a variety of pronouns. As the community watches the evening fireworks, Ari reflects that “sometimes I have to wait for my words to find me”—and in the end, they do.
Ari and Uncle Lior are White and non-disabled; neighbors are a variety of skin tones and have various physical abilities. One neighbor with a mustache and a pronounced belly could be read as a pregnant trans man or nonbinary person.
I love so much about this book. It includes multiple nonbinary people, including a nonbinary mentor to a nonbinary kid. There’s a sense of community here (and a sense that LGBTQ people gather at other times than just Pride) that’s great to see. And Uncle Lior isn’t just the uncle who uses they/them pronouns; they’re also a biologist, have a great garden, and many colorful hats. The other characters are similarly described by more than just their pronouns. Mostly, though, I like the message that finding one’s words is a journey and not necessarily a linear one, and that we each must find our own words that fit.
A Kids Book About Gender is part of the lauded A Kids Book About (AKBA) collection (one of Oprah’s Favorite Things 2020), which began with A Kids Book About Racism and now has books on subjects like belonging, feminism, gratitude, cancer, and other topics that can be challenging to discuss in ways that are accurate, substantial enough to be useful, and understandable by kids.
Like the rest of the AKBA collection, A Kids Book About Gender has no pictures, instead employing bright colors and a variety of fonts to make the words themselves the visual part of the story. The publisher explains, “Our books emphasize color, layout, and type to help kids apply the stories to their lives instead of only thinking of the characters in the book.” They also note, “This book is best read together, grownup and kid.”
As with the other AKBA books, this one reads more like a conversation with the author, Dale Mueller, who begins by saying, “OK, I know you just started reading this book, but I want you to stop and do something for me. Try to describe gender.” They affirm, “That was hard, huh? Gender can be complicated to talk about.” They then introduce themselves as someone who has a cat, likes cheese, and is also “a non-binary trans person. My pronouns are they/them/theirs.” The next pages explain what gender means to Mueller, how they were assigned one gender at birth, and how their conception of themselves changed as they grew. They talk about how it felt to find pronouns, the word “nonbinary,” and a new name that reflected their gender identity, and share some of the many different labels for gender identities and the many aspects of gender, from “a way for you to describe and express yourself,” to “How you feel in your body,” and more.
The combination of an authentic personal story and simple but not simplistic definitions make this work. Mueller reassures readers that it’s OK if they don’t quite understand, “But maybe, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Maybe you know how it feels when the words people use to talk about your gender don’t fit who you know you are.” They also tell readers that everyone explores their gender. This can be simple or hard, but “You’re not alone on this journey.”
An Outro reminds readers that this book is neither definitive nor comprehensive, but “it’s here to remind you that gender is something authentic to each of us as individuals.” In that, it feels like it succeeds admirably.
A list of additional resources at the end suggests four additional books for kids, three for adults, and three organizations—a short list of the many resources there really are, but all good places to start.
Both A Kids Book About Gender and What Are Your Words? are great choices for any home bookshelf or for any school, library, camp, place of worship, community center, or other location that wants to support children in understanding pronouns and gender identity.