Angie and her moms Bette and Tina, plus Tina’s new fiancée Carrie, visit a therapist to discuss Angie’s feelings about her donor’s big news and how she wants to respond. What could go wrong?
Spoilers ahead.
Prelude
Angie, Tina, and Carrie are in the waiting room at the LGBTQIA+ Center of Los Angeles for their therapy appointment. They’re early and Bette hasn’t shown up yet. Unsurprisingly, Angie’s stomach hurts, so she goes to get water. Carrie jokes to Tina that they could make a break for it and head to Mexico. She’s worried about whether Bette will behave. Tina promises she will and that Bette and Angie “have a very special relationship.”
Carrie isn’t convinced “Maybe I shouldn’t have come,” she says. Tina counters, “You’re the one that wants to get married,” explaining, “This is the family that you’re marrying into. All of us.” Ah, the ins and outs of queer stepfamilies. Tina reassures Carrie that she and Angie both want her there.
Angie, meanwhile, is on a video call with her girlfriend Jordi. Jordi is supportive of Angie’s desire for therapy, but knows Bette could be a speed bump. “Ms. Porter definitely scares me,” she admits. Angie says, “You don’t need to call her Ms. Porter when you’re around me,” but Jordi doesn’t want to risk it. Bette can be intimidating—and that sets the mood for much of what follows. Indeed, Bette arrives during there call and says hi to Jordi, who says she likes her blazer. Good move, complimenting her girlfriend’s mom.
Conflict
Now that Bette’s arrived, the therapy session begins. Therapist Micah starts by saying that he wants to “move closer to having an open dialogue,” while Angie can talk about “what’s important to her.” Given that this is LW:GQ, that’s asking a lot, but we’ll give it a go. Everyone affirms that they love each other, which is a good place to start.
Then Angie reveals that her donor, Marcus, is dying and needs a kidney. She wants to donate.
“No, God no,” is Bette’s immediate reaction. “She can’t donate a kidney. Is that clear?” Bette has spoken and it all goes downhill from there.
Carrie says she can relate to Angie because “I’m adopted, too.” What she means, of course, in her bumbling way, is that like Angie (who is donor conceived), she had a desire to know about the people whose genetics she bears.
Bette only hears the literal sense, and snaps, “She’s not adopted. She is our child. Mine and Tina’s. We’re her parents.” Bette is so caught up in her own fear that she refuses to see how families created in non-traditional ways can learn from and help each other, even across different types of family creation. That’s an important lesson for us all to remember; sometimes our community of support is bigger than we think.
Tina understands what Carrie meant, though, and tries to talk Bette down. Bette will not be talked down. “This is our daughter’s body that we’re talking about. These are her organs,” Bette insists. Tina reminds her that they’re there to listen. Bette accuses Tina of wanting her to be the bad guy.
Angie does what is perhaps the only sensible thing at the moment, and leaves. Tina follows.
Carrie tries again to explain to Bette that she grew up without her biological mother, “and it always made me feel a little different and kind of lost. Then, when we connected, it answered so many questions for me. And if she asked for anything right now, I’d be there for her.”
“Well, that’s you. That’s not Angie,” Bette retorts.
Micah agrees that “We should never presume that what worked for us will work for someone else,” which is a good point, too.
Carrie tries again, noting that “Connecting with my mother was very healing for me.” Bette counters that not every family is like that.
To break the impasse, Micah asks the $64,000 question: “What’s your relationship like with your family, Ms. Porter?”
Bette hasn’t seen her mother in 30 years. “She barely raised me. I am who I am despite her, not because of her,” she says. She doesn’t even know if her mother is still alive. (Pencil that in for a future plot point….)
“Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could reconnect with her?” Carrie says, perhaps here crossing the line between helpful and annoying.
“No, it wouldn’t be amazing,” Bette tells her. Carrie wants to know how she knows. “The same way you know you don’t like f—ing scallops, Carrie,” Bette tells her.
Out in the hallway, Tina is trying a gentler approach, telling Angie that they’re there to listen and help her make the best decision. Angie replies, “Well, B seemed pretty sure about how she felt.”
Tina, who knows Bette better than just about anyone, observes, “Isn’t she always like that? I mean, at first?” She knows Bette will calm down, despite her initial defensive response. Then Tina shows consummate parenting skill and honesty in telling Angie that she will always support her, but that doesn’t mean she will always agree with her. She understands why she wants to help “the man that helped create you and I love that this is who you are,” she says. Nevertheless, it’s “terrifying” for her and Bette to watch her do something that could compromise her health. She asks Angie to give them a second chance, and Angie agrees.
Take Two
Angie now has everyone’s attention. She explains that after Black Lives Matter, “the murders and the protests,” she started to think about her donor and “what has he had to deal with as a Black man.” She shares his DNA and has come to value talking with her half sister Kayla about “race stuff.”
Bette, still defensive, notes that “We talk about racial issues all the time.” Angie loves that, but observes, “You know that the two of us walk through this world differently.” Bette acknowledges that she has light-skinned privilege. Angie then hits us all in the feels by referring to the original L Word series icon, Kit Porter, Bette’s deceased half sister, who “looked more like me—but I can’t talk to her anymore.” This is also a reminder to us all that sometimes half sisters are wholly loved.
Angie explains that “there’s a kind of shorthand” between her and Kayla that she values, and that’s why she’s willing to give up a kidney, “Because I don’t want to lose something bigger that I am a part of.” (Once again, for real-life stories and insights on donor kin, check out Random Families.)
The show then leaves us hanging as Micah wants everyone to “process” what Angie’s said.
Cut to the parking garage, where Carrie is complaining to Tina, “I have a headache, I’m starving, I need a hot tub, I need a massage. I need that tea that you give me to calm me down.” Now Carrie is really beginning to annoy me. If she’s stressed, how does she think Bette and Tina feel? She continues to complain about Bette, though Tina reassures her Bette will come around. Then Carrie opines, “I don’t know how you ever married her.”
Tina objects, “Don’t talk about her like that. She’s the mother of my daughter, and we have to try to make this work.” She then says that she brought Carrie in “too soon.”
Carrie wants to know when would be a good time to bring her in. “You think we should ask Bette?” she asks sarcastically. She says she’s fine being second to Angie, but won’t be third to Bette. She takes a Lyft back to the office instead of riding home with Tina. As much as I think Carrie is being a little dramatic about all the stress the situation is putting on her, I also think Tina is too willing to make excuses for Bette. Bette’s attitude would be difficult at any time; with an almost-adult teenager, it’s likely to backfire and cause Angie to rebel in ways that could be damaging (to Angie, if not to everyone).
Aftermath
Later, Angie is over at Jordi’s, who just got nominated to prom court. Angie is happy for her but sorry her therapy session was at the same time. She’s also “pissed” at her parents, who “always make everything about them. They’re just so f—ing selfish, you know?” She then notes “Carrie’s the only one who was actually on my side, because she’s the only one that sees me like a person and not just some kid.” See above about talking with teens. Angie has a good point here, though; I think sometimes we parents do act as if our kids are still younger than they are. The time goes by so fast, and sometimes our minds need to catch up.
Angie observes that Bette hates Carrie so much “that she doesn’t care about anything else.” Jordi seems more interested in who’s liking her social media posts and is happy Angie “got through it” so they can “focus on more fun stuff.” Hmm. Angie’s facing a serious life decision here. Color me skeptical, but I’m not going to give long odds on this relationship lasting the season. That’s a shame, because Angie is a cool person who deserves someone special.
Angie gets back home to find Tina and Bette waiting for her. Bette admits she behaved poorly and acted out of fear. “I feel really ashamed. I’m so sorry,” she says. Once again, parenthood is forcing Bette—who is not wont to apologize—to be a better person. Bette tells Angie that she and Tina have decided she can meet Marcus if she wants. Angie forgives them. Whether she gives up a kidney remains to be seen.