A landmark long-term study has found that children and young adults born via third-party assisted reproduction have no differences from others in psychological well-being or quality of family relationships, but that there is benefit to telling them at an early age about their origins.
The Study
Dr. Susan Golombok, one of the world’s leading social science researchers on LGBTQ and other non-traditional families, and her team at the University of Cambridge’s Center for Family Research, have just issued the latest paper in their longitudinal study of 65 U.K. families formed via assisted reproduction. These include 22 surrogacy families, 17 egg donation families, and 26 sperm donation families, as well as 52 unassisted conception families. Previous assessments had been made when the children were one, two, three, seven, ten, and 14 years old; in this latest one, the children were 20. Although the families in this study were ones with (presumably cisgender) different-sex parents, the findings may be of interest to some LGBTQ families as well.
Although the sample size was modest and less than 5% were from ethnic minority
backgrounds, this is the only study to look at “long-term effects of different types of third-party assisted reproduction on parenting and child adjustment.”
One assumption that has often been made about families who used egg and sperm (gamete) donation, the researchers write, “is that the absence of a genetic connection to the mother or the father would interfere with the development of a positive relationship between the child and the nongenetic parent and result in raised levels of child adjustment problems.” Perhaps unsurprisingly to readers here, Golombok and her team have found that this isn’t true—at every age stage they studied.
In the preschool years, not only were there no negatives for families using assisted reproduction, but “Where differences were identified between family types, these indicated more positive outcomes for the reproductive donation families than the unassisted conception families, which was attributed to the parents’ pleasure in, and commitment to, their much-wanted children.” That tracks with other research that has looked at similar questions in the context of queer families, which are often similarly intentional.
The Results
The current study, looking at the families when the children were 20, found that “The absence of a biological connection between children and their parents does not have a negative effect on the quality of mother-child relationships, or on the psychological adjustment of children, even when they have acquired an adult understanding of what it means to lack a genetic and/or gestational connection to their parents.”
While egg donation mothers did report less positive family relationships than sperm donation mothers, this was not reflected in the young adults’ perceptions of their family relationships, suggesting the mothers’ assessment reflected their own insecurities about the lack of genetic connection, which was not felt by their children.
While we shouldn’t try to draw too many conclusions specifically about LGBTQ parents from this study, the broad strokes—that a lack of genetic connection to one or both parents doesn’t mean poor family relationships or poor adjustment—are the same as what many previous studies of LGBTQ parents (like this and this) have found. That’s good news for all families formed in “non-traditional” ways (and I use that term loosely, for as the paper notes, “surrogacy has been practiced since biblical times, and sperm donation was reported as early as 1884.”)
The Importance of Disclosure
Young adults conceived by sperm donation did, however, report poorer family communication than those conceived by egg donation, perhaps because of the greater secrecy around sperm donation, “sometimes driven by greater reluctance of fathers than mothers to disclose to their child that they are not their genetic parent, and a greater reluctance to talk about it once they have disclosed.”
Importantly, though, the study found that “young adults who learned about the circumstances of their birth before age 7—with almost all having been told by age 4—had less negative relationships with their mothers at age 20 than those told after age 7.” In families where parents had disclosed before the children were 7, mothers showed lower levels of anxiety and depression, and family relationships were more likely to be positive. The young adults in these families also showed a similar trend toward more positive outcomes.
“There does seem to be a positive effect of being open with children when they’re young—before they go to school—about their conception. It’s something that’s been shown by studies of adoptive families too,” Golombok said in a press statement. “The assisted reproduction families were functioning well, but where we did see differences, these were slightly more positive for families who had disclosed.” This aligns with previous findings from the study.
As for why early disclosure is better, the researchers say, “It is not until around age 7 years that children begin to develop a biological concept of family and understand the role of genetic mechanism.” Children born via third-party assisted reproduction may thus be more accepting if they are told about their origins before this point. Additionally, if parents are open with their children about assisted reproduction (as with adoption), they will not need to worry about keeping the information a secret or about their child’s reaction. Telling children early can thus improve family relationships and communication.
For LGBTQ Parents: Helpful Resources
For many queer parents, the issue of disclosure may be different in that we often don’t have the option of not disclosing, at least in the long term—children born to same-sex parents will always at some point realize their parents don’t have all the components needed to create a baby without assistance. Yet telling our children early about their origins is still beneficial, as licensed psychologist Dr. Kim Bergman explained to me in an interview a few years ago. Her picture book, You Began as a Wish, is one of several other LGBTQ-inclusive picture books about assisted reproduction that may be of help to parents trying to find age-appropriate explanations.
COLAGE’s Donor Conceived Guide also advises,
The most common advice DCP [donor-conceived people] have for prospective parents is “be open.” DCP are curious about how they came to be and would like to know as much as they can about decisions their parents made that affect their life. It is important for parents to create a safe, non-judgmental space where they can engage with their children about topics related to their genetic origins.
If you’re interested in a further look at the history and implications of assisted reproduction for all types of families, LGBTQ and otherwise, check out Golombok’s 2020 book, We Are Family, which is aimed at a general audience and offers not only Golombok’s learnings from decades of pioneering research but also many of the personal stories behind them.
Finally, for even more stories about “mothering/parenting beyond biology,” try the excellent anthology What’s in a Name? Perspectives from Non-Biological and Non-Gestational Queer Mothers.
The paper is: Golombok, S., Jones, C., Hall, P., Foley, S., Imrie, S., & Jadva, V. “A longitudinal study of families formed through third-party assisted reproduction: Mother-child relationships and child adjustment from infancy to adulthood.” Developmental Psychology.