October is LGBTQ History Month and includes National Coming Out Day, Spirit Day, Ace Week, and Intersex Awareness Day. By Halloween, my head is abuzz with ways to support and sustain our multifaceted queer selves. Here’s how the spookiest day of the year can bring it all together.
Halloween gives us:
The chance to explore our gender identities and expressions
Halloween has long been a very queer holiday, as the annual explosion of family costumes on our social media feeds makes clear. (See this recent piece at Them for more on the history of LGBTQ folks and Halloween.) For some queer people, the holiday offers yet another occasion to don drag costumes, often with more public acceptance than at other times of year. For others, it gives us the chance to explore different ways of expressing gender—say, as a pirate princess, butch fairy, or pink-clad construction worker.
Don’t confuse any of that with being transgender, however. I refer you to Meredith Talusan’s October 2015 BuzzFeed piece, “Why Trans Women Have Complicated Relationships With Halloween,” where she offers perspectives from a number of trans women and observes, “Halloween is the one day of the year when those assigned male are allowed to dress as women in public…. It has a significant place in the lives of many trans women and non-binary femmes.” At the same time, her article reminds us that Halloween may reinforce the misconception that being transgender is the same as simply putting on a costume.
We can apply these learnings with young people as well. In recent years, I have seen numerous stories of children assigned male at birth who want to be princesses for Halloween. For some, this may simply be a matter of being temporarily attracted to a particular costume. It may allow children to explore and stretch the bounds of their gender expression. For others, though, it may be a first step towards manifesting their true gender identities. The same goes for children assigned female at birth who want to dress up as male heroes. Kudos to the parents, teachers, and other adults in all cases who let the children be themselves.
The chance to honor our heroes, real or imagined
For ideas of some real-life queer icons to honor, check lgbthistorymonth.com or see the biographies in my Database of LGBTQ Family Books. Remember, however, that we shouldn’t change our skin color with makeup or wear clothing or symbols of another culture, as that can reinforce racist stereotypes or disrespect sacred symbols. Similarly, it bears repeating that dressing up as a trans person if you’re not trans can convey the damaging idea that being trans equals wearing a costume. Even if you mean the costume respectfully, it may not be seen as such. There are plenty of other options out there. If all else fails, find some friends and go as a Pride flag. Or cut two holes in a sheet and go as the Ghost of Pride Month Past. What would you say to your Scrooge?
The chance to confront our fears
Whether it’s taking our kiddies to a “haunted” corn maze or watching a scary movie, it can sometimes feel therapeutic to confront and overcome our fears, especially in an era when intolerance, inequity, violence, and natural disasters are all too real. We can practice on a small scale how to prepare ourselves, support others, and find the support we need. Will this make real fears less scary? No, but it may help us better cope with them. Check out these spooky, LGBTQ-inclusive kids’ books, too. Of course, we should also be mindful about when encountering something scary may actually be triggering for someone. The point should never be to worsen fears. Good communication and thoughtfulness are key.
The chance to talk about sometimes complex topics like gender, culture, race, religion, and mental illness
Many commercial Halloween costumes aimed at women and even young girls are oversexualized with short skirts, low necklines, and glitter, including ones like “police officer” and “firefighter.” If we encounter them with our children, we can explain that they are based on old-fashioned views that said women couldn’t “really” do these jobs and thus didn’t need practical clothing for them. With older children, we can introduce and explain the dangerous idea of women as sex objects. We can also discuss why it is inappropriate to dress up as someone of another race or culture. See Learning for Justice’s article “Teach About Blackface and Other Racist Halloween Choices” for ways of approaching these topics with children.
Mental illness may also get twisted and sensationalized at Halloween, with images of haunted asylums and their occupants. Here’s why this is a harmful idea—but if you and your children happen to encounter such costumes or “attractions,” this probably warrants a conversation. (Here’s one article to get you started.)
Additionally, we can introduce the concept that more observant families of some religions may not even celebrate Halloween, which began its modern form as a Christian observance (though with roots going back even further). Take the opportunity, too, to learn and teach your children about Sukkot, the Jewish harvest festival, and Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights, which also occur around the same time, and reinforce the idea that cultural diversity exists and multiple traditions make our world more interesting.
The chance to eat treats—but also to be thoughtful about what we eat and serve
Halloween, of course, tends to be a candy gorge-fest. Be aware, though, of those who for reasons of allergies, diabetes, gluten intolerance, or other medical conditions can’t indulge the same way as others. Many supermarkets now stock diabetes-friendly, gluten-free, and peanut-free treats, so it’s easy to offer those, too.
Taking care with candy and costumes might seem to be dampening the fun of Halloween, but really, these are small efforts that can make the holiday more enjoyable for everyone. After all, if Halloween is a very queer holiday, what’s more queer than supporting the ideas of inclusion and community? It’s the opposite that is truly scary.
(Originally published in slightly different form as my Mombian newspaper column.)