I’m pleased to bring you a guest post today by Kelly Enders-Tharp of Growing Generations, a surrogacy and gamete donation agency that for 30 years has helped LGBTQ people and others to become parents. She offers a helpful overview of what LGBTQ parents may expect in the surrogacy process and some tips for getting started.
Guest Post: What LGBTQ Families Should Know Before Starting the Surrogacy Journey
By Education and Experience Specialist Kelly Enders-Tharp of Growing Generations
For many in the LGBTQ community, the path to parenthood is not a straight line. While adoption and foster-to-adopt remain vital and beautiful options, surrogacy has seen a significant rise in interest. According to 2025 market reports, the demand for surrogacy among same-sex and queer couples is growing at a faster rate than among any other demographic, fueled by both increasing legal recognition and advances in reproductive technology. While surrogacy is often associated with queer men, it is increasingly becoming a pathway for queer women and for non-binary and trans people of all genders who may face fertility challenges.
If you’re considering this route, one of the most helpful first steps is to understand the landscape of support available to you. Finding a partner to help navigate these complexities is essential, and many families find it helpful to start with a guide to evaluating surrogacy agencies that covers what to look for in an organization aligned with LGBTQ family values. Whether you’re just starting to dream or you’re ready to take the first practical step, here is what you should know about the modern surrogacy journey.
Understanding the Landscape of Gestational Surrogacy
Unlike traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate’s own egg is used, gestational surrogacy involves the transfer of an embryo created via IVF. This means the surrogate has no genetic connection to the baby.
For queer women, this might involve using one partner’s egg and donor sperm, or perhaps a donor egg if needed. For non-binary or trans parents, this process can be even more tailored to individual medical histories and needs. Because the intended parents (the term used for you in the legal and medical world) are often using donor material, the process is inherently a team effort from day one.
Key Milestones of the Journey
The surrogacy process is a marathon, not a sprint, typically taking anywhere from 18 to 24 months. Understanding the phases can help manage the emotional waiting periods that are a natural part of the timeline.
- The Preparation Phase: This involves your initial medical and psychological screenings. If you’re using your own gametes, this is when egg retrieval or sperm banking occurs.
- Matching: This is the heart of the process. You’ll be looking for a surrogate who shares your views on things like communication during pregnancy, birth plans, and selective reduction.
- Legal Contracts: Once a match is made, but before any medical procedures occur, a formal contract is drafted. This ensures everyone is protected and that your intentions for parenthood are clearly defined.
- The Transfer and Pregnancy: After the embryo transfer, there is a waiting period of about two weeks before a pregnancy test. Once pregnancy and heartbeat milestones are confirmed, your surrogate will continue care with the fertility clinic before eventually transitioning to the care of an OB-GYN toward the later part of the first trimester.
Navigating the Legal and Financial Realities
Perhaps the most daunting aspect for LGBTQ families is the legal security of their parentage. Even in 2026, surrogacy laws remain a patchwork. Some states are incredibly supportive, recognizing the intended parentage of children born through surrogacy and protecting all participants in the surrogacy process; others are not.
The Movement Advancement Project provides excellent, up-to-date maps on how various states handle parentage for our community. It’s vital to work with an attorney who specializes in ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) law to ensure that your rights are secured regardless of where you live or where your surrogate delivers.
Financially, surrogacy is a significant undertaking. Costs can vary widely based on medical needs, egg donor fees, and legal requirements. Many families utilize a mix of savings, specialized fertility loans, and even grants. See Family Equality’s website for a list of queer-inclusive family-building grants to help offset the high costs.
[Ed. note: The National LGBTQ+ Bar Association maintains a Family Law Attorney Directory that may be helpful; several major LGBTQ legal organizations also offer helplines that can provide attorney referrals and answer questions:
Building a Relationship Grounded in Respect
The relationship between intended parents and surrogates is built on mutual respect and clear boundaries. Most surrogates enter the process with a clear understanding of their role; they see themselves as a super-babysitter or a generous host, but never the mother. For many LGBTQ families, this relationship becomes a lifelong bond of gratitude, while for others, it’s a professional and warm partnership that naturally concludes shortly after the birth. Both are valid and common.
Preparing for What Comes Next
As you move closer to the birth, your focus will shift from the mechanics of surrogacy to the realities of parenting. This includes thinking about how you’ll share your child’s birth story with them as they grow and begin to understand their origins.
Surrogacy is a deeply personal and often transformative way to build a family. While the complexities can feel overwhelming at times, the result is a profound experience that reflects the resilience and love of our community. By surrounding yourself with a knowledgeable team and staying informed on your legal rights, you can move forward with confidence toward the family you’ve imagined.
About Kelly Enders-Tharp
Kelly has been an integral part of Growing Generations since 2012, bringing the insight of her three surrogacy journeys with Growing Generations to nearly every area of the organization. Over the years, she has helped lead the Surrogate Admissions and Services, driven Marketing and Social Media initiatives, and was instrumental in launching our Referral Program. Today, she is an integral member of the Education & Experience Department, shaping the programs and resources that strengthen both surrogate and intended parent support.
A community-builder at heart, Kelly created and has managed a private Growing Generations surrogate Facebook group for more than 14 years—one of the longest-running peer support networks of its kind. She also plays a vital role in educating intended parents, offering transparency into the surrogacy process and fostering confidence as they begin their journeys.
Kelly’s advocacy extends beyond Growing Generations. She has shared her expertise on national and international stages, advancing awareness of surrogacy worldwide. She holds a B.S. in Health Science with a minor in Human Sexuality and an M.A. in Education with a multicultural emphasis from San Francisco State University. She is also a certified Perinatal Mental Health Professional.