Today, I’m happy to provide a field report for all you new lesbian moms out there. I now have proof positive that it is not necessary to have a father in the home to teach one’s son to pee standing up. Despite the assertion of the New York Court of Appeals that “a child benefits from having before his or her eyes, every day, living models of what both a man and a woman are like,” this is one area where that is not the case.
Here are some hints for those of you approaching this task yourself:
- Make sure your child is comfortable with the potty in general. I waited until my son had been peeing sitting down for several months.
- Invite Grandpa (or an uncle, known donor, or other male relative or friend) over. Ply him with coffee and beer. (Not too much of the latter, or this will affect his aim.) Have him demonstrate to your son. No need for your son to try at the same time, if he doesn’t want to.
- Give your son a big cup of water (or milk, or juice) himself.
- Make a target for the toilet bowl. Some people recommend throwing in a few Cheerios. I decided to try something bigger, and drew a circle with a felt-tip pen on a square of toilet paper.
- Float the target in the bowl, and tell your son to try and squirt it.
- Offer lots of positive reinforcement. I’m fond of stickers as post-potty rewards.
I’m guessing you could dispense with the live example, if one isn’t available, and just go for the game of hitting the target. For us, Grandpa was handy and willing, and we figured every little motivation would help. I’m not against male influence (and in fact want to make sure we provide lots of good male role models for our son), but don’t believe a man needs to be living in the home to provide it.
Peeing while standing is only a small and superficial example of manhood. More than the act itself, though, my son’s confidence in his growing abilities—physical and otherwise—makes me think he’s on the right track to mastering the more important stuff, taking pride in whatever he finds makes him a man. Two moms and all.