It’s Grandparents’ Day today in the U.S., a lesser-known holiday than its non-grand counterparts, but a reason to celebrate nonetheless. Here’s to our own son’s grandparents, who have been a supportive and happy influence on his life and ours. Parenting is largely about on-the-job training, and it’s nice to know there are trustworthy people we can turn to who have been there before (even if we also sometimes disagree completely with their opinions). My mom was even kind (or brave) enough to share some thoughts on grandparenting for one of our video blogs.
Looking at the holiday from another angle, let me point again to an article I mentioned a couple of weeks ago by Alice Fisher and Michael Connolly of the Stonewall Communities Lifelong Learning Institute. They ran a course last year for LGBT grandparents, and wrote up their experiences for this month’s The Older LEARNer, a publication of the American Society on Aging. They discuss the changing role of grandparents in today’s society as well as particular issues for LGBT grandparents. One of the more general observations they make is:
Families today are far-flung and smaller; both parents are often employed. This puts pressure on the grandparenting relationship. It has been said that grandparents are like the National Guard—called upon in times of stress. Our own grandparents were not much involved in babysitting, nor were our parents for our children. But now “babysitter” and “substitute parent” are established grandparent roles, along with “spoiler” and “mentor.” This change in expectations may catch us unprepared. Our children may make assumptions about our grandparenting roles without discussing them with us. What if the role we consider natural does not match what our kids are hoping for?
Let’s hear your opinions, readers. What roles do grandparents play in your children’s lives or what roles do you play as a grandparent? Is it what you expected? Is it the same as the role of your own grandparents in your life? If you don’t have children, feel free to offer thoughts or memories about your own grandparents or what think your parents’ role might be as grandparents.
I’ll be bringing you more voices of LGBT grandparents in the coming weeks, in cooperation with Stonewall Communities, as part of my Family Voices series.
My in-laws couldn’t love our son more; biology was never a concern of theirs. My mother is much more hands off, though I doubt she’d be any different if I had my son with a man.
We moved closer to my in-laws this past year, for a number of reasons. It has been great to have them nearby, and they love seeing him once a week, at least, instead of every 2-4 months. They have also watched him a couple times when we had friends getting married.
I grew up halfway across the country from my grandparents and didn’t get to see them often. I’m glad that my son sees extended family more than I did as a kid.