Does becoming a parent mean giving up one’s personhood? Must one abandon any sense of wants, needs, or thoughts that aren’t about one’s kids? My answer is an unequivocal “no,” although I quickly add that there are certain things one must give up or change.
Terrance over at Bilerico has written a great post on “Post-Personhood Parenting,” in which he explores the reactions to a Newsweek column by a man who experienced depression after becoming a dad. It’s well worth a read, especially because I think LGBT parents in particular are prone to trying too hard to “prove” that we are good parents, and we risk losing our selves in the process. Not only that, but if we show our kids that the only way to become parents is to give up all of our own interests and needs, they may never want to have kids themselves. (If they choose not to have kids for other reasons, that’s fine, but I don’t think this should be one of them.)
While we’re on the subject of parenting, Gretchen Rubin’s HuffPo post, “Ten Ways to Be a More Light-Hearted Parent,” is full of good advice as well. I agree with all except “Wake up before your kids,” which would inevitably make me cranky and not at all light-hearted.
Finally, Rubin’s video [The Days Are Long, But] The Years Are Short should be required viewing for all parents.
Dear Dana,
I saw the nice mention of my blog, The Happiness Project, here. I very much appreciate those kind words and you shining a spotlight on my blog! Thanks and best wishes, Gretchen Rubin
You’re very welcome!