Parent Hex: Harry Potter Redux

[I published a version of this two years ago when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows first came out. I thought it was worth revisiting now that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is in theaters. (No, I haven’t seen it yet. Hope to soon.) Warning: Serious geekiness ahead.]

The below list of charms and spells came to light when a scholar journeying through King’s Cross Station, London found a manuscript crumpled next to the Information Booth in front of Platforms 9 and 10, apparently dropped by a fellow traveler. The folio is titled Parent Hex: Survival Spells for Parents and Other Caregivers.

• Cocodissimulatio Charm: Makes any food taste like chocolate.
• Mucosus Recessum Charm: Causes nasal excretions to withdraw into a person’s nose.
• Lavacrum Advenio Spell: Causes a bathroom to appear.
• Odoratum Desisto Charm: Removes the smell from an object. (Useful with the above.)
• Expecto Progenitum Spell: An elaboration of the Accio Summoning Charm, this spell causes one’s child to appear. Unclear at what distance this works or if it can operate using the Floo network or Portkeys.
• Ursinvenio Charm: Another variation of Accio. Will cause a lost a teddy bear or other stuffed animal to emit a loud growling sound and fly to the spellcaster.
• Fabulam Repetopeto Charm: Causes a book to read itself out loud over and over. Skillful wizards can make it inaudible to themselves.
• Vestitus Prudens Spell: Makes the victim appear to be wearing long pants and a sweater. Works best on teens.
• Immotus Spell: A lesser version of Petrificus Totalus, this keeps victims from fidgeting.
• Altitudo Monitio Charm: Causes flashing lights and a loud hooting sound to occur whenever the victim is near a dropoff like a staircase or cliff.
• Dormitus Spell: Makes the victim fall asleep. An advanced spell, mastered by only a few.

Thanks to the Harry Potter Encyclopedia and MuggleNet for information about actual spells in the books (and with apologies to the ever-useful Parent Hacks).

What spell—real or imagined—would you find most useful and why? Leave a comment.