Here’s a little something different to read this morning: Wired’s Natania Barron recently offered “5 Tips for Raising Your Girl Geek,” advice for parents of girls who fall into that hard-to-define category with which many of us (me included) identify: being a geek. Yes, boys can be geeks, too, but that’s more common. Girl geeks are a rarer breed.
I liked the post for what it says about raising girls to be proud of being smart, of taking an interest in topics not traditionally seen as “girls'” subjects, and about nurturing their own special flavor of geekiness. I also think there are parallels with the issues faced by geek girls and those that many LGBTQ youth face, geeks or not. Barron writes:
Geek girls don’t watch the right shows. They don’t go to the right movies. They don’t listen to the right music. And unfortunately, pop culture provides the clues by which kids sort each other out; it’s almost as obvious as the clothes they wear. . . . Often girl geeks fall into this odd no-man’s land. We are passionate about the things we like, but share them with very few. Especially in a high school or junior high-school setting. That can lead to teasing, isolation, and ultimately, depression.
Barron’s advice is also broadly relevant:
Geek doesn’t mean you have to shun what everyone else does; it just means that you have your own slant on it. And it also means you’re smart enough to think outside the social box. If anything, being a geek means the rules don’t apply!
No matter how geeky your daughter is, fostering her sense of self-worth is the most important thing.
Are geeks and LGBTQ youth natural allies, even where the categories don’t overlap? Are LGBTQ youth more likely to manifest geekiness or, conversely, are LGBTQ geeks more likely to be out, being more comfortable with living outside the norm? Or are they mostly unrelated though occasionally concurrent identities? As a proud LGBT geek myself, I can’t separate the two in my own mind. What do you think?
I’d say girls who are queer or geeky have a lot in common because both identities have a connotation of subverting expected gender roles or notions of femininity. Though there is probably some race/class/culture variation, in my experience (only 15 months out of high school), it’s still very expected that girls and young women will be interested in looking pretty to attract boys, and in an eventual goal of being a good wife and mother. Whether their difference is a result of non-chosen biological traits or of a cultural difference, both queer and geeky girls and young women are either denied this goal by social pressures, or are afforded the opportunity to go in a different direction.
I think the Wired article should be renamed “5 tips for raising your girl to be herself.” Geek or not, GLBTQ or not, it’s important to give kids and teens the support they need to be themselves–whether that’s liking Monty Python or roller derby or yearbook.
Besides, the people who tease you in high school are going to be so insignificant later on in your life. Might as well embrace the things you love.
I have to agree that there is a lot of correlation in being an LGBT girl & being a geek girl. I think there is a lot of stigma that comes with being either and perhaps more so with being both. Specially if you’re brave enough to be out. I also agree with the Emily’s comment that both roles come with society’s expectation to fit a gender role. Regardless of any of this, supporting your daughter to embrace herself, her personality and to be proud of what she is every day is all you need to do for her to have a healthy out look on the present and future.
I knew it! I am a geek ;)
But never fear, because I embrace it!