New Mexico makes 17! Yesterday, the state Supreme Court ruled unanimously in favor of marriage equality, making 17 states, plus the District of Columbia, that allow same-sex couples to wed — eight states in 2013 alone. All of the plaintiff couples in the case are parents. But in our celebrations of the Land of Enchantment, we should take a moment to remember one mom who was fighting for marriage there while she was fighting for her life.
The plaintiff couples in the case, filed by the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) and the ACLU, are: moms and grandmothers Miriam Rand and Ona Porter, mom Rose Griego and stepmom Kim Kiel, moms Monica Leaming and Cecilia Taulbee, moms Jennifer and Angelique Neuman-Roper, and foster dads Aaron (A.D.) Joplin and Greg Gomez. The court decision tells us a little about the families (my paragraph breaks):
Miriam and Ona raised three children together during the course of their twenty-five year relationship. Their youngest daughter, who was only three when Miriam and Ona combined households, legally changed her surname to Porter-Rand to reflect the importance of both of the mothers in her life. Their middle daughter, Cherif, is physically disabled and can no longer care for her fourteen-year-old daughter, who has cerebral palsy. Ona has adopted Cherif’s daughter and Miriam plans to initiate a second-parent adoption. Until the adoption is finalized, Miriam does not have automatic legal authority to make important decisions for her granddaughter, whom she is helping to raise.
Monica and Cecilia raised Cecilia’s three children to adulthood during their fifteen-year relationship; all three children consider Monica as another parent, and she considers them to be her children.
Similarly, Kim’s college-aged children refer to Rose as their step-mother.
A.D. and Greg have no biological children, but they maintain a relationship with their former long-term foster child they raised who is now an adult, who calls them both Dad.
Jen and Angelique adopted three preschool-age brothers from the custody of the Children, Youth & Families Department and have raised them together. The two youngest boys live with their mothers, while the eldest left home after enlisting in the United States Army following his graduation from high school. All three brothers support their mothers’ efforts to legally marry.
Parenting also factored into the decision because the court chose not to uphold tired old “procreation” argument trotted out by marriage equality opponents in so many states. The ruling stated bluntly:
The opponents of same-gender marriage assert that defining marriage to prohibit same-gender marriages is related to the important, overriding governmental interests of “responsible procreation and childrearing” and preventing the deinstitutionalization of marriage. However, the purported governmental interest of “responsible procreation and childrearing” is not reflected in the history of the development of New Mexico’s marriage laws. Procreation has never been a condition of marriage under New Mexico law, as evidenced by the fact that the aged, the infertile, and those who choose not to have children are not precluded from marrying. In addition, New Mexico law recognizes the right of same-gender couples to raise children. . . .
We conclude that the purpose of New Mexico marriage laws is to bring stability and order to the legal relationship of committed couples by defining their rights and responsibilities as to one another, their children if they choose to raise children together, and their property.
Deciding which way you hang toilet paper on the roll is up to you and your spouse, however.
On a somber note, though, Jennifer Neuman-Roper sadly died a little over a month ago from brain cancer. She and Angelique had won an emergency court order that allowed them to marry in August, several days before a district court judge ordered the Santa Fe County clerk to grant same-sex couples marriage licenses.
Again, the court documents give us some background:
Jen was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer in late 2012, and doctors told her she had eighteen months to live. After surgery to partially remove the tumor, Jen suffered a stroke, which impaired some of her physical and cognitive functions. At the time Plaintiffs filed their complaint, Jen had been placed in an assisted living facility, and Angelique was spending several hours each day with her. Because Jen and Angelique could not legally marry, Angelique could not collect spousal benefits as a result of Jen’s disability, despite their twenty-one year relationship.
While we should praise all of the plaintiffs, the Neuman-Ropers deserve our extra thanks for pursuing justice while also dealing with a horrible and debilitating disease. Perhaps some of the couples marrying in New Mexico might consider, in lieu of gifts, asking for donations to the Jen Roper Memorial Fund at the Los Alamos National Bank for scholarships to be awarded to youth attending the Pueblo of Pojoaque Boys and Girls Club, where she worked as technology director.