When lesbian mom Violet Flannelle’s eight-year-old daughter shared a gummy worm with her, she never suspected it had become radioactive and would give her greatly increased strength and a sense of precognition.
Flannelle was at first delighted that her daughter was learning to share her treats, and happily ate the brightly colored candy. Then she realized something. “The worm must have been part of last year’s Halloween haul,” she said. “I thought we had thrown it all out, but our daughter apparently had hidden some in her room. We found the bag next to her Super STEM Scientist Set.”
Dr. Chai Pothesis, a researcher at a nearby university, speculated that the gummy substance had become transformed by exposure to radiation. “You know, like in all the movies,” she explained. “Beside, have you seen those things? They pretty much glow in the dark to begin with.” Flannelle confirmed that her daughter’s kit had a Junior Nuclear Engineer module.
The precognitive effects on Flannelle were soon apparent. “I just knew that our 10-year-old son was going to miss the school bus the next day,” Flannelle said. “I also knew exactly how my spouse was going to roll her eyes but offer to drive him.”
Her super strength manifested itself that afternoon. “I carried five bags of groceries, two bags of soccer gear, and our daughter, who had scraped her knee, into the house all at once,” she said.
Already, others are making use of her eerie sense of the future. Her long-time friend Sue Baru asked Flannelle to help her pick her March Madness women’s basketball bracket. “It save me hours of reading through wESPN,” Baru said.
When asked whether her daughter had likewise become transformed into a superhero from the irradiated candy, Flannelle answered, “She was already a pretty super kid to begin with.”
Wishing a happy April Fool’s Day to us queer parents and our kids—superheroes all.
For more hard-hitting Mombian news from past April Fool’s, see:
- Lesbian Moms Create Dome Habitat to Protect Family from Getting Sick
- Trump Announces Key LGBT Appointments
- North Carolina Bans All Bathrooms
- Indiana Bans Cake in Wake of Religious Freedom Bill
- Lesbian Moms Raise Child Entirely on Hummus and Granola
- DARPA Announces Next-Generation Gaydar System
- Lesbian Mom Running for President
- New Social App Helps Lesbians Find Sperm Donors
- New Research Shows Children of LGBT Parents More Likely to Win Nobel Prizes
- Utah Mandates All Children to Be Raised by LGBT People
- “Gay Positioning System” Navigates Roads and Rights
