It’s not news that starting a family can be expensive for queer parents. Many of us have lived that. But a new report from Family Equality lays out the costs for different options; looks at how income variation among LGBTQ people impacts their choice of option; and offers suggestions for addressing the imbalances.
I wrote a long piece myself a couple of years ago for the Advocate on the costs of starting and raising a family as queer parents, sharing several examples of individuals and couples navigating the financial challenges of parenthood. Family Equality now looks broadly at a nationally representative sample of adults, LGBTQ and not, to give us a quantitatively backed picture (plus a few specific, illustrative examples). Building LGBTQ+ Families: The Price of Parenthood, the second report to come out of the organization’s 2018 LGBTQ Family Building Survey, found that:
- More LGBTQ respondents (29 percent) than non-LGBTQ ones (22 percent) reported an annual household income under $25,000.
- The percentage of Black, female-identified, and trans/gender non-conforming respondents reporting an annual household income under $25,000 was even higher (33 percent, 32 percent, and 31 percent, respectively).
- Regardless of income, approximately half (45-53 percent) of LGBTQ+ millennials are planning to become parents or add another child to their family. Notably, this desire didn’t vary much between those making less than $25,000 a year and those making more.
- LGBTQ+ households making over $100,000 annually are considering the full range of paths to parenthood, including, most popularly, private adoption (74 percent are considering), foster care (42 percent), and IVF or reciprocal IVF (21 percent).
- For LGBTQ+ individuals in households making less than $25,000 annually, however, the most commonly considered paths to parenthood are intercourse (35 percent), foster care (30 percent), and private adoption (23 percent).
The report also includes—very usefully—current costs for starting a family through various methods. These range from free (intercourse or most foster-to-adopt programs) up to $150,000 for gestational surrogacy, and many options in between. Family Equality notes, however, that those wishing to start families must often try multiple options before success. And transgender individuals who choose to preserve their fertility by freezing eggs or sperm prior to transitioning medically must pay, on average, $7,000 to $12,000 for a single cycle, plus $350 to $700 per year in storage fees—something that insurance rarely covers.
Additionally, LGBTQ+ people living outside metropolitan areas may incur travel costs (and loss of income from time off work) to get to the medical appointments and monitoring required by many assisted reproduction methods. LGBTQ parents, too, often spend $100 to $3,000 in fees to help establish legal parentage—and Family Equality reminds us that simply being on your kids’ birth certificate isn’t enough for full legal protection.
Costs and the ability to manage them are tied to employment status, access to credit, and health insurance coverage, areas where LGBTQ+ people often face discrimination, the report notes. Despite inequalities and obstacles, though, we are seeing some shifts towards a more just system. Some states now waive the home study for second-parent adoptions and allow forms to be filed without the assistance of an attorney, saving parents several thousand dollars. Some companies now cover fertility treatments for single parents and same-sex couples without requiring a mandated waiting period while they try to conceive without help. (See my piece on MassMutual, one of the first to do so.)
Much more could be done, however, to eliminate discriminatory laws and insurance policies that place financial, legal, and other burdens on LGBTQ parents and prospective parents; to enact broad nondiscrimination protections that would help reduce economic insecurity for LGBTQ people, parents or not; to ensure and expand access to fertility treatments for LGBTQ people and others; and to help all parents take care of their children through paid family leave. The report offers a breakdown of the many relevant laws and bills here—I encourage you to go read it. The areas where work is needed may seem overwhelming—but we don’t each need to work on all of them. We can pick one or two to focus on, especially if they are relevant to the state in which we live or the method by which we created (or want to create) our own families; we can support Family Equality and other organizations working for change; and we can share our personal experiences in turn to help others better evaluate the options that are right for them.
The report does not look at some of the wider tradeoffs that might need to be made by LGBTQ parents—e.g., if you opt for a more expensive way of starting your family, will it impact your ability to pay for childcare? for your child’s college education? to live in a more welcoming neighborhood?—but those are clearly questions lurking at the edges of this study. We must each make our own choices—but the information in this important report can help us do so, and can help us work towards expanding the range of options open to all.
