Four recent books (two just out today!) are here to guide LGBTQ prospective parents of all genders and sexual identities (and their health care professionals) on the start of their parenting journeys!
As many as 3.8 million LGBTQ millennials are considering starting or expanding their families, according to Family Equality’s 2019 LGBTQ Family Building Survey. Whether you’re a millennial or not, though, if you’re an LGBTQ person thinking about starting a family, one or more of these books is likely to be helpful to you. I’m offering summaries of each one in this post; please click the titles for fuller reviews.
LGBTQ Family Building: A Guide for Prospective Parents, by Abbie Goldberg (American Psychological Association). Dr. Abbie Goldberg, a professor of psychology at Clark University, is one of the world’s leading social science researchers of LGBTQ families. This book distills her years of experience, plus the results of a brand-new study conducted specifically for this book, into an evidence-based but accessible guide to the many ways of LGBTQ family formation. The book is inclusive of birthing parents of all genders and of polyamorous families, and recognizes the impact of intersecting identities such as race, (dis)ability, and socioeconomic status.
Each chapter begins with a vignette from one or more of her new study’s participants, exploring some relevant aspect of their parenthood journey. Goldberg uses these as jumping off points to explore what research tells us about trends among LGBTQ parents in general and within subgroups of our community. The research findings are of more than just academic interest; readers may feel less alone and less “odd” knowing that other queer prospective parents have had similar feelings and experiences.
This is a thoughtful, inclusive, and intersectional guide to many of the questions prospective parents will have, based on some of the most thorough, solid research on LGBTQ families by one of the country (if not the world’s) leading social science experts on the topic. (There is one unfortunate error in the information about confirmatory (second-parent) adoptions—see full review—but Goldberg tells me this will be fixed in a second edition.) It will help you decide which path is right for you, how to prepare for what you might encounter along the way, and to learn from those who have gone before. (Full disclosure: I wrote a piece used in one of the book’s appendices, though I am not receiving any financial benefit because of it.)
Queer Conception: The Complete Fertility Guide for Queer and Trans Parents-to-Be, by Kristin Liam Kali (Sasquatch Books). This is a how-to guide for any queer person pursuing assisted reproduction. Kali, who describes themselves as “a white, queer, nonbinary transmasculine empty nester parent of four grown children,” brings a wealth of both personal and professional experience to the book. They are a licensed midwife and owner of Seattle-based MAIA Midwifery & Fertility Services, which since 1991 has supported thousands of LGBTQ+ parents from preconception through conception, pregnancy, and early parenthood. Queer Conception focuses on these same areas.
Throughout, Kali is fully inclusive of pregnant people of all genders and sexualities, and those who are single, coupled, or in poly relationships. There is information on navigating cis/het clinic environments, being the nongestational parent, and other queer-specific concerns. Some sections are aimed at both trans men and trans women who may be going off hormone therapies in order to start their families.
Kali writes that one of the reasons this book exists is to give people enough information to be confident asking questions of their providers. In that, they are likely to have succeeded. Providers, too, can benefit from this book, and special sections address them directly. As important as the extensive factual information in the book is, however, the support and affirmation it provides to queer prospective parents is just as vital.
We’re Here! A Guide to Becoming an LGBTQ+ Parent, by B. J. Woodstein (Praeclarus Press). Aimed at both LGBTQ+ prospective parents and new parents, as well as professionals working with them (doctors, nurses, midwives, doulas, social workers, lactation consultants, etc.), this inclusive guide to the many ways of starting a family will be valuable to any LGBTQ person starting a family. Author B. J. Woodstein brings to bear her experience and skills as an academic, doula, and certified lactation consultant, as well as a queer mother of two children, to create a book both reassuring and informative. She is based in the U.K., but much of her advice will be useful to LGBTQ+ parents anywhere. Her experience as a lactation consultant makes her section on feeding (primarily nursing), particularly valuable.
Notably, We’re Here takes a broad view of who falls under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. Among the more than 40 first-person stories from LGBTQ+ people woven into the book are ones not only from people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender, but also from those who are polyamorous, asexual, and genderfluid—representation not always seen in LGBTQ parenting guides.
The emphasis is on assisted reproduction, although there is a little about adoption. Prospective adoptive parents may nevertheless appreciate the early chapters about queer parenting in general—and prospective parents unsure of which path to parenthood they want to take should find great value in Woodstein’s questions to ask themselves in this regard.
Supporting Queer Birth: A Book for Birth Professionals and Parents, by AJ Silver (Jessica Kingsley). This book by UK.-based birth and postnatal doula AJ Silver is aimed primarily at helping birth professionals better understand and support their LGBTQ clients. It covers topics such as inclusive language, LGBTQ paths to pregnancy, the intersections of LGBTQ and racial/ethnic identities, neurodiversity, mental health, lactation, and more.
Much of the information here relates to LGBTQ people’s interactions with the U.K.’s National Health Service (NHS) and laws. Readers elsewhere will have to figure out how their own healthcare systems and laws cover LGBTQ prospective parents and parents, although the varied experiences of LGBTQ people in this book should at least indicate the range of possible responses and some concerns to be alert for.
After some introductory chapters on terminology, inclusive language, and intersectionality, the book consists mostly of interviews and conversations Silver has had with a variety of LGBTQ parents and birth professionals, including well-known trans parents Jake Graf and Freddy McConnell. The interviews all offer insightful looks at their subjects’ lives; I appreciate that we get to hear their unfiltered voices. At the same time, because they cover so much material, a little more trimming and summarizing in certain places might have better helped readers, especially those new to LGBTQ lives, to focus on some of the key takeaways. Nevertheless, the insights they provide are valuable. While much of the book is aimed at educating those who have minimal experience working with LGBTQ prospective parents, even those who have more are likely to learn something new from the wide range of stories here.
See my database for even more guides and anthologies about LGBTQ family creation.