“Are You Ready to Be a Parent?”: Parenting in The L Word: Generation Q, S3E2

Several characters in the latest LW:GQ faced the question “Are you ready to be a parent?” I explore their responses—and offer some resources for those asking themselves the same question in real life!

Spoilers ahead.

Micah and Maribel Debate Whether and How

Last week, Micah proposed to Maribel, who said she didn’t want to get married but did want to have a baby. That’s a good reminder to all of us that marriage and parenting don’t always go hand in hand, which is why parentage legislation needs to protect children in all families, married or not.

This week, at Finley and Sophie’s Pictionary party, Finley congratulates Maribel and Micah on their upcoming bundle of joy. Sophie, Maribel’s sister, has obviously spilled the beans to Finley, and Micah is understandably upset.

Finley jams her foot further into her mouth, though, by remarking, “Oh, it’s going to be so cute. A little combo of both your faces.” Perhaps this is a positive reflection of how completely Finley accepts Micah’s male identity—but it also insensitively overlooks his trans identity, which Finley, as a friend, is fully aware of.

Finley catches herself, realizing, “You’re going to have to choose. How are you going to choose? You guys both have such good faces.”

She’s stumbled upon what can be a major point of discussion within many queer couples of opposite gametes: Whose genetic material to use if you are going to start a family (other than through adoption)?

Micah isn’t even at that stage yet, though, explaining, “I didn’t say yes to the baby. Just talking about a baby.” He’s angry that Maribel has told their friends before the talking even started. Micah definitely has a point here—I’ve long advised that the first step for a couple thinking about parenthood is to talk with each other.

Real-life resource: So When Are You Having Kids? The Definitive Guide for Those Who Aren’t Sure If, When, or How They Want to Become Parents

He also confronts Maribel, asking, “Did you ever think that I might want to carry?” She hasn’t, and asks if he wants to. “No, no,” he responds, “but that’s not the point. The point is that you didn’t think of me.” Another argument to Micah, and another good reminder for all of us: Don’t assume trans men (or butch cisgender women, or nonbinary people with uteruses) don’t want to carry a baby.

Later, though, Micah tells Maribel that he does want to have a child with her and that he’s even been watching online videos about how to swaddle a baby. I suspect he’ll find that it’s somewhat harder in real life (they squirm!), but I admire his attempt to learn.

Gigi and Dani Debate Who

In the other major parenting storyline this episode, Gigi wants Dani to have dinner with Nat, her ex and co-parent, before Gigi and Dani move in together. Dani is reluctant, arguing that she doesn’t need to prove herself to Nat, but Gigi counters, “You have to stop making me feel bad for having kids. Moving in together involves Eli and Olive.”

Luckily, Bette later talks sense into Dani, explaining, “Nat is Gigi’s co-parent, right? So she’s not prioritizing Nat, per se, she’s prioritizing her family. And really, you want that. You know, you want your partner to be a good parent and, I don’t know, it seems like Gigi is being just that. The question is, are you … are you ready to be a parent?”

That’s the big question once again. We’ll see how it plays out, especially since Gigi was also in a horrible car accident later in the episode and we don’t know her status.

Real-life resource: Queer Stepfamilies: The Path to Social and Legal Recognition, by Katie L. Acosta, NYU Press. Although Dani is at this point not a legal stepparent, she could soon be engaged in “plural parenting” with her partner and partner’s ex, and this book addresses that topic.

Bette Decides Where

In a third parenting thread this episode, Bette is hosting a show featuring the art of Marcus Allenwood, who was her and Tina’s sperm donor but died last season before he and Angie ever met. “We had a personal connection that went far beyond the art world,” Bette tells people at the exhibit’s opening.

She explains that Marcus’ work was not well known during his life, partly because of institutional racism, but also because he “always put his family first…. He talked about his family being his greatest accomplishment.”

That’s a wake-up call for Bette, who is then moved to follow Tina, with whom she has reunited, back to Toronto. It also perhaps hints at a lovely thing about many queer families—the ties we may form with some of the people who help us become families, and their special influence on our lives. Not that everyone will be inspired by their sperm donor (or surrogate, or birth parent, or … ), or even know them; but sometimes these things do happen.

Will Micah and Maribel indeed start a family, and if so, how? Who will Nat turn to for help with the kids if Gigi is dead or seriously injured? Will Bette and Tina return to LA during Family Weekend at Angie’s university? Stay tuned!