Awful news seems to dominate lately: A school shooting in Georgia. A trans teen severely beaten in Massachusetts, one of the most LGBTQ-friendly states. Hundreds of anti-LGBTQ bills. Violence and war around the world. An uncertain election. Add to this the varied challenges each of us encounters in our daily lives. How do we resist being overwhelmed?
I have to tell myself to breathe. Yes, I’m worried, but merely getting myself worked up about it does no one any good. Here are a few ideas for finding balance in the months ahead.
Connect
You’re not alone. Online or off, finding a community of supportive people, or even a single sympathetic ear, can help us feel less like we’re shouldering everything by ourselves. Even if someone else can’t know exactly how we feel, sometimes just knowing they are there to listen is enough. (Among other things, you can always drop a comment here or reach out to me directly. I’m not a lawyer, doctor, or mental health professional, but I’ll always listen and try to point you to any other resources you may seek.)
Act
For me, taking action helps alleviate feeling helpless. To the extent that our time and resources allow, we can get involved with with LGBTQ and other social justice organizations or voter outreach campaigns like Reclaim Our Vote. We can volunteer for a political campaign, or simply talk with our friends, neighbors, and relatives about why certain issues and the election are important to us. And as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg once said, “Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”
Do something, then, but don’t try to do everything. Focus on one area where you think you can have an impact and that doesn’t detract from other responsibilities like caring for your kids or putting food on the table. Personally, I like to keep in mind the Talmudic saying, “You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it.”
Learn
It’s important, too, to spend time learning more about identities not our own, and about issues that concern us or that we’d like to know more about. I also try to make a point of including some sources that I don’t usually read or listen to, and ones from viewpoints I don’t hold, figuring that I should understand what arguments are being made from other perspectives, even if I don’t agree with them.
Teach
Those of us with children who are old enough can start (or continue) conversations with them about democracy, activism, social justice, and more. My own son took a civics and government class in high school, which sparked many conversations at the dinner table—but even if you have younger kids, there are age-appropriate ways to talk about the importance of, say, voting, equality, and speaking out against injustice. (See the picture books in my Database of LGBTQ Family Books tagged “Social justice” for a start.) Helping the next generation of citizens be informed and engaged may be one of parents’ most important contributions to society.
Prepare
This is as good a time as any to make sure our families’ legal protections are as secure as possible. All of the major LGBTQ legal organizations have long recommended co-parent (second-parent) adoptions, court orders, or the equivalent as the only ironclad ways of securing parental rights for a nongenetic or nongestational parent, even for married couples where both parents’ names are on the child(ren)’s birth certificate(s). (See lgbtqparentage.org for a guide that GLBTQ Legal Advocate & Defenders (GLAD) and I put together with more information.) And having up-to-date wills, medical powers of attorney, and other legal documents prepared for you and your spouse/partner is always a good idea, too.
Not sure where to start? The LGBTQ Bar Association maintains a Family Law Attorney Directory. Additionally, GLAD, Lambda Legal, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, and The Transgender Law Center each have helplines at the links.
Care
Remember to take a break once in a while. Listen to music, get some exercise, eat some junk food, watch a silly movie or read a trashy novel. Make time to do something to take your mind off the state of the world. This may mean bending the rules for the kids as well, but an extra hour of screen time for them while you pedal away on the exercise bike won’t damage their long-term health—and a little extra fun time might even be beneficial for them, too. And if you don’t have the luxury of spare time, do what you can—turn off the news while you commute or drive to the grocery store, for example, and turn on music or an audiobook instead. If you have a friend or neighbor whose stress seems greater than yours, offer to run errands, bring them a box of cookies, or do something else to show you care.
Vote
This is the big one. Make a plan now to vote by mail or in person. Visit Pride to the Polls to check if you’re registered. By doing so, you’ll also see deadlines for registration, requesting an absentee ballot, and more. The site also answers frequently asked questions such as “What if the gender marker and/or picture on my ID is different from my current presentation?”
Don’t forget to remind your kids to vote if they’re grown and on their own, and offer to help friends or neighbors get to the polls (or ask for help yourself if you need it).
It’s going to be a rough few months, no matter what transpires. Queer parents and our kids are some of the most resilient people I know, though. We’ll get through this together. Wishing us all peace, love, and strength for the times ahead.