2010 brought us a number of excellent films—and a few books—about LGBT families. Here are some you may want to add to your holiday list.
Mom’s Apple Pie: The Heart of the Lesbian Mothers’ Custody Movement
, a documentary by Jody Laine, Shan Ottey and Shad Reinstein, gives us a look at early custody cases involving lesbian moms and their ex-husbands—and shows how the activism they spawned in the 1970s has had a direct impact on LGBT people and organizations today. The film was released in 2006 but is now out on home video.
Also newly out for home viewing is No Secret Anymore: The Times of Del Martin & Phyllis Lyon, by filmmaker JEB (Joan E. Biren). It also touches on the custody movement, putting it into the broader context of early lesbian rights and the lives of two pioneers and mothers. It is available through Frameline.
Lisa Cholodenko’s The Kids Are All Right
has garnered early Oscar buzz and is now out on DVD. The film, starring Annette Bening and Julianne Moore as lesbian moms Nic and Jules, and Mark Ruffalo as their rediscovered sperm donor Paul, has provoked strong opinions among some lesbians. Some, upon learning that Jules has an affair with Paul, feel it is a rehash of the old cliché that a lesbian really just needs a man. Others (including myself) feel that Cholodenko has upended this myth by never having Jules question her lesbian identity and by having her end the affair—citing her identity, her love for Nic, and her commitment to their marriage. It is more about the universals of human relationships than anything else. Love it or hate it, though, chances are someone on your gift list will want it if only to see Annette Bening rockin’ a lesbian ‘do.
Off and Running
, a documentary by Nicole Opper, tells the story of Avery, an African American high school student adopted as an infant by two Jewish lesbians, who also adopted her two brothers, one black and Puerto Rican, and one Korean American. Searching for her own racial and cultural roots, Avery writes to her birth mother. The response sends her into an emotional crisis, which jeopardizes her future in college and track—but the ending is ultimately positive. Her adoptive moms don’t always come across as understanding—but there are lessons to be learned from that, too. The film raises some tough but important questions about family, identity, and race.
Moving on to books, She Looks Just Like You: A Memoir of (Nonbiological Lesbian) Motherhood
, by Amie Klempnauer Miller, is a heartfelt chronicle of becoming a mother and navigating the first year of parenthood with her partner. Miller has managed to find a thoughtful balance between the things that set nonbiological lesbian parents apart and the things that bring all parents together.
Let’s Get This Straight: The Ultimate Handbook for Youth with LGBTQ Parents
, is an insightful, forthright guide that belongs in every home with children of LGBTQ parents, as well as libraries, schools, and youth groups. Written by Chicago-based educator Tina Fakhrid-Deen, in partnership with COLAGE (the national organization for children with LGBTQ parents), the book offers advice for pre-teens and teens on dealing with a parent’s coming out, coming out about one’s family, dealing with teasing and harassment—especially in school—overcoming religious bias, being an activist, and much more.
The COLAGE Donor Insemination Guide, by Jeff DeGroot, is a shorter work that addresses some of the issues and concerns of donor-conceived children in the fifth grade and above. Parents, prospective parents, teachers, and care providers may also find it useful. The insights of LGBTQ parents and their teen and adult children form the heart of the Guide, which also includes a list of resources, tips for medical professionals, and legal questions and answers from the National Center for Lesbian Rights. It is available at colage.org.
Among the few LGBT-inclusive fiction books for children this year is The Case of the Vanishing Valuables, the second volume of the Candlestone Inn mystery series by Nancy Garden. Unfortunately, the “spunky girl with a somewhat annoying yet still loved younger brother” theme has been overdone by other middle-reader series, even if in this case they have two moms. There is tremendous value in the representation of LGBT families, but it would be better in a book that didn’t have such clunky exposition and flat characters. It’s no worse than many of the mainstream middle-grade mystery series that publishers churn out, but fans of J.K. Rowling, Beverly Cleary, Roald Dahl, E.B. White, and the like may feel it falls short. It is available from Two Lives Publishing.
Characters with lesbian or gay parents also popped up in a few other new middle-grade books, including Elizabeth Atkinson’s I, Emma Freke
, Amy Ignatow’s The Popularity Papers
, and Lauren Myracle’s Violet in Bloom
(the sequel to her Luv Ya Bunches
, which caused a minor ruckus at Scholastic last year. In all of them, the fact that one character has same-sex parents is almost incidental—and it seems a sign of progress that such characters are appearing simply as part of society. Also, kids who would not necessarily be interested in a book specifically “about” having LGBT parents might pick up one with minor LGBT characters.
At the same time, I still think there is value in books that more directly address issues specific to LGBT families. I hope 2011 brings us more of a mix, along with more books featuring GBT parents as well as lesbians.
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