New Elementary School to Be Taught Entirely By Drag Artists

The School District of Provincehampton, Massachusetts, has announced that its new elementary school will be taught entirely by drag artists.

Principal Ed Yucate explained, “We’ve seen the success of Drag Story Hour on children’s literacy, creativity, and self-expression. Why wouldn’t we want to implement this winning formula in our school as a whole?”

“Our Performing Arts program will of course be top-notch,” he continued, “but so will our civics curriculum. Since the 1959 Cooper Do-nuts Riot, drag artists have been involved in protests and activism on behalf of the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups. Drag king Stormé DeLarverie was even said to have thrown the first punch at Stonewall. And let’s not forget that it was a drag queen, José Sarria, who in 1961 became the first openly gay candidate for public office in the United States. Who better to teach our children about their rights as citizens, civic participation, and standing up for our country’s values of freedom and equality?”

Science teacher and drag king Cal Culate noted that the Royal Canadian Institute for Science is backing a “Science Is a Drag” initiative that it said “showcased some of the most creative examples of science engagement that we’ve seen in our 175 year history.” They’re only some of the performers using drag to explain scientific concepts, he said. Such programs will provide examples for the school’s STEM classes.

Language arts teacher Rhea D. Wright observed, too, that Shakespeare’s female characters were originally played by men and boys, and that having drag artists teach the Bard’s plays would bring authenticity and connection to the classroom. Reading Partners, a 25-year-old nationwide literacy education program supported by AmeriCorps, among others, has called drag artists “the perfect storytellers” and asserted, “Story hours play a pivotal role in igniting a lifelong passion for books and reading in children…. The exposure to diverse narratives during story hours lays the foundation for a lifelong appreciation of literature, creating a pathway for intellectual growth and a lasting love for reading,” Wright related.

History teacher Lia Brarry said her teaching philosophy is inspired by drag icon RuPaul, who once said, “To be a success, you have to understand the landscape, you have to know thyself, and you have to know your history, so that you can draw from people who have figured out the equation you are faced with.”

The school will also seek out drag artists with advanced degrees to give guest lectures on a variety of topics. Yucate noted that Lil Miss Hot Mess has a Ph.D. and is a professor of public and applied humanities; Cheddar Gorgeous has a Ph.D. in anthropology; Dr. Lady J has a Ph.D. in musicology; and Gala Varo has a Ph.D. in biomedicine. Their participation in the school’s program was not confirmed, but Wright is excited about the possibilities.

Parents in the district are optimistic about the new venture. “I’ve never seen my child come home as excited about books as they did after a drag story time at our local library,” said one mother. “All schools could benefit from a little drag flair in their classrooms.”

Yes, happy April Fools’ Day. But while this school and its teachers are spoofs, the other drag artists and organizations mentioned—and their accomplishments—are very real, and Drag Story Hour and similar programs are delightful, engaging, and affirming. (See my interview with Lil Miss Hot Mess from a few years ago.) A school taught by drag artists might actually be a good idea. For more hard-hitting Mombian news from past April Fools’, see: